I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
