toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
