i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
