Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
