There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
