He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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