do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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