i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
