There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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