You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
