Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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