i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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