they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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