after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
