I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
