she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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