So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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