its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
