I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
