Nicole vs. Life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
