I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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