ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
