I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
