I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
