I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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