I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
