I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
