your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
