I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
