i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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