that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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