My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
