There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
