if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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