Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
