my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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