I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
