apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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