I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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