she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His nipple licking is glorious
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