I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
