you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
