weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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