Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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