Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
