somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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