bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
