I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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