i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize