So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
