apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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