I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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