I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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