i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
