I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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