The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
this is an emotional support booty call
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
