What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
