love makes seman taste better
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
