There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
