Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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