Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
