haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
