so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
