I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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