Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
